Effects Of Watching Porn

Pornography is ravaging marriages. In our culture porn is treated as if it’s harmless, but it’s not. Porn will wreck the arousal process in your brain and end up wrecking your sex life in marriage.

I receive emails every day from women who are desperate to fix their marriages, but they don’t know what to do. They married men who never seem to want sex. Or their husbands are never satisfied. Or their husbands call them boring or unattractive. And the root of many of these problems is porn.

Here’s the really devastating part: Because so much of what porn does to you happens chemically in the brain, the porn use doesn’t have to be going on NOW to have these effects. A boy who grew up on porn in his teens, and then managed to stop watching it in his twenties (with occasional relapses) will still suffer from many of these things.
The good news: There is healing! You can rebuild those chemical pathways to arousal. But first we have to understand 10 ways that porn affects the brain, and thus wrecks many couples’ sex lives. And so today, on Top 10 Tuesday, I thought I’d share:

The Top 10 Negative Effects of Porn on Your Sex Life

The Effects of Porn–a Must Read! | The negative effects of pornography on your brain, your marriage, and your sex life. Save and remember–women use porn, too! While some of these apply just to men, many of them apply to both genders.

For sources of these claims, see the graphic at the bottom of the post. They’re all listed there.

Porn is NOT harmless! The Top 10 Ways Porn Affects our Brains, Our Marriages, and our Sex Lives:

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Porn Means You Can’t Get Aroused by “Just” Your Spouse

Do you remember reading about Pavlov and his dog in Psychology? Pavlov would give the dog a nice juicy steak, but right before he did he would ring a bell. He conditioned the dog to associate ringing the bell with getting great food. Eventually Pavlov took the food away, but kept ringing the bell. The dog kept salivating at the bell, even though there was no steak, because the dog associated the bell with the food.
The same thing happens when we see porn. Porn stimulates the arousal centers in the brain. When it’s accompanied by orgasm (sexual release through masturbation), then a chemical reaction happens and hormones are released. In effect, our brains start to associate arousal with an image, an idea, or a video, rather than a person.

When you don’t watch porn and save yourself until marriage, then all of those chemicals and hormones are released for the first time when you’re with your spouse, and it causes you to bond intensely (and sexually) to your spouse. But when you spend a ton of time teaching your brain to associate arousal and release with pornography, your brain can’t associate arousal and release with a person anymore. Either you have to fantasize about the porn, and get those images in your brain, or you have to watch porn first. Often people can “complete the act”, but it’s not intense for them the way porn is. You’ve rewired your brain, and now you’re salivating at the wrong thing.

2. Porn Wrecks Your Libido

It’s only natural, then, that many people who use porn in the past, or who use porn in the present, have virtually no libido when it comes to making love to their spouse. The spouse is not what turns them on, and so the natural drive that we have for sex is transferred somewhere else. I get so many emails from young women in their twenties who say, “my husband and I were both virgins when we married, and I thought he’d want sex all the time. But after our honeymoon sex went to maybe twice a month, and that’s only if I pressure him. He says he just isn’t interested.” With so many men growing up on porn, this is just to be expected.

3. Porn Makes You Sexually Lazy

In porn, everyone is turned on all the time. You don’t have to make any effort to arouse someone; it’s automatic. There is no foreplay in porn. And so if your spouse isn’t aroused you start to think that it’s somehow their fault. There’s no expectation that we will have to “woo” someone or be affectionate and help jumpstart that arousal process. It’s almost as if we approach sex as two different beings and we’re just using each other, rather than thinking of each other. And thus we never learn how to please the other or become a good lover because we’re always thinking that the other is somehow “frigid”. Pornography teaches you that sex is about getting my needs met; it isn’t about meeting someone else’s needs or experiencing something wonderful together.

4. Porn Turns “Making Love” into a Foreign Concept

Those arousal centers and pleasure centers in our brain are supposed to associate sex with physical pleasure and a real sense of intimacy. But the intimacy doesn’t happen with porn, and so the pleasure is all that registers. Thus, porn makes sex all about the body, and not about intimacy. In fact, the idea of being intimate isn’t even sexy anymore; anonymous is what’s sexy. We may call “having sex” “making love”, but in reality they aren’t necessarily the same thing. Someone who has used porn extensively often has a difficult time experiencing any intimacy during sex, because those arousal and pleasure centers zero in only on the body. And that’s another negative effect of porn: porn users often need to objectify or degrade their partner in order to achieve pleasure, the exact opposite of intimacy.

God made sex to actually unite us and draw us together; He even gave us a bonding hormone that’s released at orgasm so that we’d feel closer! But if that hormone is released when no one is present, it stops having its effects. Sex no longer bonds you together.

Making love and having sex are not necessarily the same thing.

5. Porn Makes Regular Intercourse Seem Boring

An alcoholic drinks alcohol for the “buzz”. But after a while your body begins to tolerate it. To get the same buzz, you need more alcohol. And so the alcoholic begins to drink harder liquor, or drink larger quantities.
The same thing happens with porn. Because porn teaches us that sex is all about the body, and not about intimacy, then the only way to get a greater “high” or that same buzz is to watch weirder and weirder porn. I think most of us would be horrified if we saw what most porn today really is. It isn’t just pictures of naked women like there used to be in Playboy; most is very violent, extremely degrading, and very ugly.

“Regular” intercourse is actually not depicted that often in porn, and so quite frequently the person who watches porn starts to get a warped view of what sex really is. And often they start to want weirder and weirder things.
Now, I’m not against spicing things up, and I do think lots of things can be fun! But when we’re wanting “more” because we’ve programmed ourselves to think “the weirder the sexier”, there’s a problem.

6. Porn Makes it Hard to Be Tender When You Have Sex

It’s no wonder, then, that people who use porn often have a hard time being tender when they have sex. Sex tends to be impersonal, rushed, and “forced”. I’m absolutely not saying that all porn users rape their wives, but porn itself is often violent. There’s no foreplay. There’s no waiting to arouse someone. It’s just taking what you want.
Being tender means to be loving. It’s to give and to express affection. Because these things aren’t paired with sex in the porn users brain, tenderness and sex no longer go together.

7. Porn Trains You to Have Immediate Gratification and Have a Difficult Time Lasting Long

With porn, when you’re stirred you achieve climax rapidly, on the grounds that porn clients have a tendency to jerk off in the meantime. Accordingly, climax has a tendency to be quick. The porn client hasn’t prepared his body to draw out sex so his life partner can get delight; his body is modified to climax rapidly. Numerous porn clients, at that point, experience the ill effects of untimely discharge.

Some porn clients go to the next extraordinary when they begin experiencing erectile brokenness. They have a troublesome time staying sufficiently hard amid sex on the grounds that the incitement isn’t sufficient. For their situation, climax can take an unending length of time, if it’s conceivable by any means.

While both appear like perfect inverses, the basic reality is that sexual brokenness or something to that affect is one of the enormous negative impacts of explicit entertainment.

8. Porn Gives You a Warped View of what Attractive Is

Sex should bond you physically, sincerely and profoundly with your companion. In any case, if porn has made the synthetic pathways in your cerebrum go haywire, at that point sex turns out to be just about the body. What’s more, porn demonstrates to you that lone certain body composes are appealing. It’s not about the entire individual; it’s only a specific sort of individual.

On the off chance that a lady increases even ten pounds, at that point, she’s never again alluring, and the porn client has a true blue troublesome time getting excited, in light of the fact that he relates just a specific body write with excitement. Porn has instructed your cerebrum that sex is just about the body, and not about the relationship, so if somebody’s body isn’t precisely right, no excitement happens.

9. Porn Makes Sex Seem Like Too Much Work

The greater part of this joins to frequently make sex with your life partner excessively work. You’re not stirred; you discover your life partner not alluring; sex is blah; and sex expects you to attempt for your mate, while you’re utilized to quick satisfaction.

In this way, numerous individuals who utilize porn withdraw into an existence of masturbation. Regardless of whether the porn utilize stops, they frequently think that its simpler to “ease” themselves in the shower than to need to work at sex.

10. Porn Causes Selfishness

The greater part of this causes a winding of narrow-mindedness where the individual disregards his companion’s needs and is centered just around getting what he needs, and getting it immediately. Regularly this shows itself in different regions of the relationship also, where the life partner ends up irritated in the event that they need to sit tight to something, or on the off chance that they don’t get what they need. Porn has sold them the message: you merit delight when you need it. You shouldn’t need to work to get what you need. Your necessities are principal.

It’s no big surprise that appears in different territories of your relationship.

Individuals who feel that porn is innocuous and essentially enables individuals “to get in the state of mind”, or “soothes dissatisfaction”, are messing with themselves. The concoction forms in our brains are extremely confused, and when you begin upsetting them, it’s extremely hard to build up a sound sexuality once more.

In any case, it totally should be possible! In the not so distant future I’ll be chipping away at a digital book about it, yet until further notice, these posts may help:

Marriage Recovery after a Pornography Addiction

Rewiring Your Brain After a Porn Addiction

Likewise, we should recall: over and over again we advise young people not to utilize porn since it’s a wrongdoing, and shouldn’t desire. I think we have to begin revealing to them these ten things. In the event that you need astounding sex when you’re more seasoned, don’t utilize porn now. In the event that you do, you’re setting yourself up for a lot of pain. Ask young people, “who needs stunning sex when you’re hitched?”, and practically everybody will set up their hand. At that point let them know: Use porn now, and you’ll make that relatively inconceivable, without a noteworthy work of God in your life. Disclose to them a reality.

Hello, youngsters: If you need stunning sex later, don’t utilize porn now! Here’s the reason:

Snap TO TWEET

Agreement EyesSaveAnd ensures that in your home everyone– young ladies, young men, ladies, and men– are shielded from allurement. I’m a major supporter of Covenant Eyes. No, we can’t depend on only it, and yes, we require a work in the heart. However, in the event that we have to lessen the enticement with the goal that God has room schedule-wise to work, I feel that merits doing. Pledge Eyes sends messages to individuals of your decision to disclose to you when somebody has gotten to an improper site. On the off chance that children know their folks will get an email on the off chance that they endeavor to discover porn, or if people know their responsibility accomplices will get messages, they’ll be more averse to surf improper stuff.

Show Grace

One final word– please demonstrate effortlessness to the individuals who have been assaulted by porn. Particularly if the relationship in the mind happened when they were youthful, these individuals frequently need to change the most, however, it appears to be extremely powerless. Instead of pointing the finger in fault, consolidate to battle the issue together!

Porn is not kidding. It wrecks individuals’ sexual experiences, it makes individuals narrow-minded, and it at last wrecks relational unions. We should get the message out, and battle against it!

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